six impossible things before breakfast
me: wow I'm fat
me: maybe I look ok
me: I AM PERFECT THE WAY I AM
me: I'm fucking disgusting I'm losing weight now
me: I am more than just my weight!
me: who the fuck cares about anything
me: I AM SO FAT.
me: idk curves are beautiful i am beautiful
me: i hate myself

cattailsandcattales:

urbies:

Great moments in tv history

The best part is how the hand giving the cigarette doesn’t belong to anyone in the room—no one is wearing that shirt.

vriskamindfangserket:

so i got my kittens collars today and when my dad saw smoke’s collar he was like “you can’t get him that! that’s a girly blue!” to which i responded “dad, he’s a fucking cat, do you want to pick out a manly collar for him? just be grateful i not getting him a pink collar….what even IS a girly blue?!”

vriskamindfangserket:

so i got my kittens collars today and when my dad saw smoke’s collar he was like “you can’t get him that! that’s a girly blue!” to which i responded “dad, he’s a fucking cat, do you want to pick out a manly collar for him? just be grateful i not getting him a pink collar….what even IS a girly blue?!”

sammyjacksons:

I hate when you get hit with those random feelings of panic and the nagging sense that something isnt right even though everything around you looks fine and you’re just standing there staring with your heart rate steadily increasing and your hands trembling and you’re so frustrated because you don’t know what’s wrong or what you’re so scared about and man I just really hate that

bowtiesandbatman:

If you don’t like Monty Python you’re wrong

At the groceries store

calakazam:

toyota:

Me: can u give me x²+4y+ of tomatoes & 2(x²+8xy^3) of potatoes please

Seller: I dont understand

Me: well i dont give a fuck i didnt study in vain

those are polynomials you asked for a neverending curve of tomatoes

0ffic3cha1r:

generalbooty:

yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit  during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me

Get married

dem-deutschen-volke:

buonotogami:

nuclearpiss:

xmas-city-punk:

malkatz:

I corrected it


I’m from Pennsylvania and that is accurate.I don’t say it though but EVERYONE ELSE DOES AND IT’S JUST. NO.

dem-deutschen-volke:

buonotogami:

nuclearpiss:

xmas-city-punk:

malkatz:

I corrected it

I’m from Pennsylvania and that is accurate.
I don’t say it though but EVERYONE ELSE DOES AND IT’S JUST. NO.

photo yacunts_zps63ea3ddb.jpg

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So I asked my boyfriend to talk dirty to me in Bulgarian during sexytime…

altraragazza:

It was incredibly hot, until I recognized the word “tomato” and asked him what he was saying. He then admitted that he was explaining how to make a salad.

shamitomita:

cyberho:

Dick riding IS NOT a form of transportation!!!!!!!! 

not with that attitude

hufflepuffarmy:

thedalekmaster:

shoujo-addict:

T h e  W a l k i n g  D i s n e y

More:

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Damn Mulan.. Guess training to defeat the Huns turned out to be a good lifeplan

This is perfect

elysionsprincess:

vanehsensei:

slenderlock:

singarequiem:

techno4tomcats:

People are insane on this product review of a banana slicer

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No seriously

oh my fucking god

OH MY GOD I REBLOGGED THIS BEFORE I READ THE COMMENTS AND
HOLY FUCK 

I CAN’T BREATHE

“I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.”

slihgtlydyslexic:

vuls:

prepare for high school then prepare for college then prepare for your career then prepare for retirement then you’re dead 

then prepare for skeleton war

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the worst things to ever happen to fashion:

  • fake pockets
  • making every single shirt see through
  • seriously why does it have to be see through
  • what is the fucking point i just have to wear another tank top or cami underneath it
  • it literally defeats the purpose of being a shirt
  • and every single shirt is see through these days this annoys me more than fake pockets and trust me that is an issue